Going on As Parents
Finding out about a child's homosexuality has to be
one of the most traumatic events that can happen in
the lives of parents. A variety of emotions and feelings
are experienced all at the same time. Shock, anger,
disbelief, guilt, depression, denial, and even relief
can all be present. Family members may also be reacting
to the news in a variety of ways as well. Mother may
get sad, while Dad gets mad. Or Mom may protect, while
Dad "stuffs." And all of this leads to a variety
of questions. What went wrong? Who is to blame? Why
has this happened to us?
this point the family is at a crossroads. Our children
are now making choices that are out of our control.
We feel powerless to stop what is happening, and it
is very frustrating, threatening, and frightening to
us. Our choices about how WE are going to react are
all we have left. Even if God were to answer the question
"why" he has allowed this to happen in our
family, this would not change the fact that it has happened.
We must face reality, and understand that life will
never be the same again. Looking through the eyes of
faith, it can become much better, as we choose to learn
the lessons the Lord has to teach us in the situation.
choice we must make is to let go of the child. This
is very hard to do. Indeed, it goes against the very
nature of parenting, especially in times of trouble
in our loved one's life. But we must give the child
to the Lord completely. We give up right of ownership,
knowing that if the child be-
longs to God, he can and will take care of his own property.
We must also give up our expectations for the child.
Parental dreams need to die at the foot of the cross,
and submission to the will of God for the child who
is now his property must come.
choice we must make is not to place blame in inappropriate
places. Blame placing comes out of a sense of guilt,
and we place blame in order to balance our guilt so
that it becomes bearable. If we blame ourselves, we
will wallow in self pity and depression, two very destructive
forces in our lives. If we blame others, we will resent
our child's friends and turn him/her more directly into
their arms. If we blame God for allowing this to happen
in the first place, we cut ourselves off from the best
source of comfort and hope we could possibly have.
we choose to "act," rather than "react"
to the circumstances of our lives, we open the door
for real spiritual growth. We will be refined if we
are willing to go through the pain. It was said of Jesus
that he "learned obedience through suffering."
We are certainly not above our Lord. We will also become
strong in spiritual warfare, learning to recognize the
attacks of the enemy and take authority over him. We
will see the Lord change our wrong attitudes and behaviors
in relation to other members of our family, and to those
who struggle with life dominating problems such as homosexuality.
We will develop a grateful heart as we turn problems
to prayer, and finally to praise at the faithfulness
of God in our lives. And finally, we will watch God
use us in the lives of others as we share with them
the same comfort with which we have been comforted.
We will experience that "all things" do indeed
"work together for good!"
North Heights Lutheran Church
1700 Highway 96
Arden Hills, MN 55112